I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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