I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
