He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize