Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
