You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
