Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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