you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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