You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
