Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
