this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
