How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
