So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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