glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
