She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
