My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
two words: eviction party
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am naked and annoyed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize