Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
