i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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