I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
