I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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