Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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