splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
