Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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