we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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