I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
