just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
