I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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