used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dear god my vagina.
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