I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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