Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
