one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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