Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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