new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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