On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
