I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize