In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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