Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
