dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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