Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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