Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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