Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
