im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
