i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize