8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
