Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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