I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
