why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
