Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
