I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
