so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
