so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My bed smells like the plague
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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