He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
