Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
