hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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