I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
