I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
