im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
