Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize