Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
