Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
