Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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