I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We left the knife in your bed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
