Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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