so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
