dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
