Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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