Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
