Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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