Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
