where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
