I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize