Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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