i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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