dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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