Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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