Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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