im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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