Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize