New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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