Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
