I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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