New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
