I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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