I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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