no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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