she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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