Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
