This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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