Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
