How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
