i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
