What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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