too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize