I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
