Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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