If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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