I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
