I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
