I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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