Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
