That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize