Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
