it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
