did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
